No longer in the windies

The last few weeks has sped by without leaving me much time to think, which is good as I am a thinker if nothing else. Sometimes I think so much I actually end up not doing, but only sometimes and then only very occasionally!!!

We have left Trinidad, and so the Island Life in the Windies have come to an end. There was much to organise and do before we left. We had to pack, decide what we were shipping to Canada, what we were giving to charity, what we were taking back to UK, what we were leaving at Claire's in Toronto.... sell the Matrix, tell school we were leaving, look for somewhere to live in Toronto, find the kids a school there..... the list goes o and on..... seemed endless...I was in denial, mostly ignoring it all and burying myself in scrabble and bejewelled!

Our time in Trinidad was cut short by 13 months, my time was thieved away! The kids were happy to leave, Dave too was happy to leave, pastures new awaiting us in Canada. I was sad to leave, I had made many good friends in Trinidad and was not ready to leave them all behind. I have often thought that the dust that had just settled was being blown up again, by another storm. Our lives in Trini was just moving along nicely, nice social life for me and Dave, the kids having made a friendship base, that too was true for me. I had my friends from the Asian Ladies Club, my wonderful neighbours, who were so helpful when I was trying to sort out the Matrix and was without a car for several days, Tricia, a fellow ex-pat wife, who had come to Trini the same time as me, a wonderful friend and who was also leaving to go back to Glasgow with her kids. Not to mention all my other trini friends that weren't neighbours. I felt like I belonged and I haven't felt like that for a long time.

Selling the car was a hoot in the end. It was getting close, it was our last week in Trini and we still hadn't sold the blooming thing. In the end I rang some numbers that I had got of a local newspaper. I disregarded the first call as I could hardly understand the man at the end of the line and he was asking me why I was selling the car if there wasn't anything wrong with it! Told him I was leaving the country. The 2nd number lead me to Frank who said he would pay TT30000, which was a bit lower than what we wanted but thought we had better get rid when we could, taking our money and running as it were.

Anyway, off we drove towards Couva to meet Kev, plan to meet in Point Lisas at 9 am. We were early and so went for a coffee at Rituals and breakfast. Dave had rung Nigel, one of the drivers to see if we could get a lift home should we sell the car. He said to call MP to confirm this. Anyhow, time was moving on, 9 am came and went and we were wondering where Kev was. Dave called him up and asked him where he was. He replied that he was at the bank!!! We were both incredulous, what was he doing at the bank??? He said he had some banking to do and would be with us. Dave said, well, be here by 9.30 or we would not wait. The reply was , oh? ok in a rather confused voice. Dave then had a thought, he quickly looked back at the call log only to discover that he had rung Nigel up and not Kev, no wonder he was at the bank, he was running company errands!! And was not coming to buy our car! Dave then rang the right number and Kev said he's be with us shortly... next was Nigel, Dave apologised for the tone he had used with him and Nigel said, I did wonder what on earth was happening and thought he had forgotten something!!!

To cut a long story short, we went to the bank, got the managers check, then went off to deposit the check to be told it would be 4 days before it cleared, when we had already left!! So, back to issuing bank to get cheque cashed, but we did not have the right ID , so back home and then back to bank to get cash out!!! We did get our money in the end.....

Our departure was uneventful, had to pay some excess baggage and the flight uneventful.... to Toronto.....

Thus comes to the end of our island life in the windies... and on the a new blog.... not sure what it will be called yet......

Toronto here we come

Two posts ago, I mentioned going to Canada, and indeed that is where we are heading next.
So, off to the Canadian High Commission, VISA needed as again, I hold a passport that requires a VISA to visit. Why oh why, did I hang on to my Malaysian passport, why oh why, did I not get British Citizenship? 2 reasons, one, Malaysia does not allow dual nationality status, so I would have to give it up to have a British passport. I don't really want to give it up as my parents are in Malaysia still. 2, a silly reason born out of my insecurities. Let me explain... when Dave and I first met, he had told his family about me being chinese Malaysian, and one of the comments his brother made was, 'Oh, be careful she's not just going out with you in order to get a British passport, so she can stay in England!!!' He probably said it in jest, but it rankled me all those years ago, and I remain Malaysian to this day.

There must be a more efficient way to obtain a Visa for Canada... I made 4 trips to the High Comm in order to obtain it. I waited longest at the first visit, where I had to hand over my application form,passport, supporting documents and receipt for payment of Visa. I was very fortunate that day... we were in the queue waiting to get in, and the queue snaked round the pavement to the entrance of the immigration department. I chatted to other people in the queue to while away the time.. an elderly woman and her friend walked up and tried to jump the queue... we were all very polite and said to her, there's a queue. She had bad knees and needed to sit,she said, so edged her way forward in the queue to where there was a culvert where she could rest her painful knees. We carried on talking, her friend was very apologetic and embarrassed but we just said, it's OK, no worries. The said lady then moved her was up the queue and now was at the front, and others were beginning to get irate at her behaviour as they had been waiting a long time to get in. I made light of it and said, let her go, she's in a rush, her knees are hurting and she's elderly... some sucking of teeth were heard but we let her be. When I finally got in, I was told that I was lacking one form they needed, and also a photograph!!! The photo was unforgivable, I could've kicked myself for forgetting the photo! The website wasn't very clear about the forms. I had already been in the queue for an hour and a half and so was feeling down and stupid for not having the right documents and the required photograph, when someone behind me said, I have some extra, would you like it!!! I could have kissed the man... but that would have shocked him, so I refrained, hehehe. The security guard told me I had time to get some photos taken around the corner... luck was on my side, I was already mentally preparing myself to return another day to queue up again! I did get my photo and returned to sit and wait to hand in my application. I felt that a good deed had been repaid, letting the lady with the bad knees go first, I was showed kindness myself, loving kindness does really work. Moving along, went back the next day, shorter wait, no Visa, needed supporting letter form Dave's employers and also bank statements, they think I have no money, and they would be right, and want to go and stay in their country illegally- they would be wrong! I wouldn't be going if we weren't asked to go!!! So, another trip to hand in letter and a week after it all began, I queued up for the fourth time and got my passport back with the Visa in it, multiple visit Visa but only valid for 18 months.... it cost CAD150, TT- 955, £110 for an 18 month visa, the US Embassy granted me a 10 year Visa for less money...............seriously considering becoming British!!!!!

We are now leaving Trinidad, a week earlier than expected. We have nearly packed everything apart from clothing, the laptops and paperwork. Shippers have come to assess what we have to ship, school have been informed in writing about kids leaving, landlady and estate agents told about our imminent departure. Told the gardener yesterday and he said, Awww, hope the next tenants will be as nice as you.... Our housekeeper too is upset about us leaving, we have really got along well, and I will definitely miss her help, we have interesting discussions and she has become a friend....

I went to the supermarket this morning to pick up a few items, the queues were long.... I have learnt to be very patient in this country. The pace that people do things is painstakingly slow. Laid back pace, no need to rush, hurry or be stressed about anything like customers waiting. I wonder if the population of this country has the lowest rate of hypertension in the world???? Customer service almost doesn't exist here. Perhaps their point of view is this... we get paid on average £1.50-2.00 and hour... we get paid this no matter what our productivity.... the customers want what we have.... if they have to wait, they wait because they need us to get what they want! Perhaps I am being cynical...... let me illustrate this with something that happened at the supermarket checkout today.

I was nearly at the front, a French lady was in front of me, she had arrived in September, accompanying her husband who works for the UN here. She had some items that needed weighing at the till. The scales were not working. The girl at the till was flummoxed and had a fed up expression on her face, luckily she had an assistant helping her, a bag packer who also was senior to her. She carried the bananas to be weighed at another till. She said to the girl at the till, TT6.76 and enter it as food produce. Girl at till... no reaction whatsoever, still looking at the broccoli and cantaloupe melon on the conveyor belt that needed weighing. Meanwhile, queue behind us getting longer, everyone patiently waiting, or impatiently, I could not tell. Girl at till still clueless. Assistant comes back and said, you entered the 6 something I asked you to? Girl, 6 something? I piped up and said 6.76 for the bananas. French lady says, you know in Europe, if scales not working, you would just be given items for free so as to not keep customers waiting.... I said, that would be nice, she said, perhaps they will do that here, and I said, they wouldn't we would have to be patient! So girl enters 6.76 and says there's 2 other things to weigh... assistant says, we'll move tills after this customer. I persuaded the girl to cash my items as none of them needed weighing. This is one thing I will not miss about Trinidad........ poor customer service.

SS Uprising

It's countdown time and we only have a few weeks left before we leave Trinidad for good, 37 days to be precise. So much to see and do before we leave. We are trying to cram in everything now, trying to fit it all in between school, work, visit to Toronto and of course the dreaded packing. Not to mention the kids wanting their friends to all come for a sleepover. I am running out of weekends!!!! Still to see the turtles- doing that next weekend at Grande Riviere, Dave still to go diving, not sure if that is going to happen!

We were treated to a lovely performance at the Queen's Hall on Saturday. The Lilliput Theatre was performing their annual school performance. We had gone to see Adunni and Orishola perform, Adunni being Jasmine's best friend here in Trini and Orishola's Adunni's younger brother. The performance was called SS Uprising, and it was loosely based on Moby Dick I think, but never having read the book, I don't know, maybe this should spur me on the read a few more classics. The play was performed mainly by the older children. There was a sea captain and his crew, Captain Nakked? He was meant to be Scottish and the girl playing him had an almost perfect English accent. As the Lilliput theatre was attended by kids of all ages, the main play was interjected by short dance performances by the younger children, all dressed in sailor costume, some more elaborate with carnivalesque masks and headgear.

The dancing by some of the older children was modern contemporary and I saw a lot of yoga and Pilates in the moves, LOL, it was also very Ballet Rambert, looked effortless and graceful with clean lines and interesting formations. It was not all modern though, there was a flavour of the Caribbean in the dancing throughout, a bit of winding, palancing and chipping.

All done with flair!

I have nearly forgotten to mention the singing, and there was a lot of that too. I particularly enjoyed the rap the kids sang as they introduced themselves, as crew and mates of SS Uprising. The captain was a mean guitarist and did a solo rendition of The Proclaimers' 500 miles, but changed it to fit the play, "and I will sail 500 miles, to catch that whale" LOL.

Here's a write up from the Express Trinidad and Tobago.... I have no other pics as we were not allowed to take any pics or videos of the performance.

practice makes perfect: Members of the cast rehearsing for the show. -Photos courtesy Lilliput Theatre

Out on the open ocean, in the middle of nowhere with a seemingly mad captain and a sense of trouble brewing, the crew of the SS Uprising shipped out thinking themselves whale-hunters, but are now about to discover the rest of their surprising story.

When their captain finally reveals himself after days in seclusion, the crew is already uneasy; at sea since hoisting anchor with no leadership beyond an unstable first mate, they need direction. The captain appears, but the sight of him in this state does nothing to calm their fears.

Tensions already run high with the third mate jockeying for a more elevated position and the first mate on the edge of losing control. Lower down the ranks are whispers of trouble, of dark forces threatening to capsize the Uprising if on-deck battles don’t sink her first. This motley crew of wanderers, warriors and fugitives may depend on each other for life and limb on the water, but each brings personal baggage on board, even those trying desperately to leave it on land.

When the wild-eyed captain tells this crew what they’ve truly shipped for, what his secret desire is, what their mission is, will the first mate press mutiny?

Does the crew know enough of their fearless leader’s shrouded past to foresee their future if they follow?

Does the captain offer enough reward that drunken sailors don’t care?

As they close in on their elusive prize, the last thing the SS Uprising needs is the storm rising around them

Lilliput Theatre’s SS Uprising brings different histories together, placing traditional sailor mas at the centre of a classic story. The young performers inhabiting this crossover world tell tales of dreams versus obligation, expectations versus reality, exploring what drives them and what it takes to make it on the sea.

-Elisha Efua Bartels

Mitch and Jas came along, and Mitch was prepared to be bored, but he amazed himself by enjoying it so much he posted something about it on FB! The sound and light effects were good, thunder and lightning and the music. The musicians made the play come alive....

It's also election day here today, Vote for Change, I hope the Trinidadians vote wisely and that true democracy rules!

Eating mangoes in the pool

It's mango season and Dave brought home some mangoes from the office orchard last Friday. It was a carrier bag full of small ripe mangoes, smaller than the starch mangoes, with instructions from Ram on how to eat them. You bite a hole in the bottom and just suck the juice out! So, we did just that. I also started to eat the skin, as I had eaten mango skin on unripe mangoes before. They were lovely but messy, eating them like that, juice running down our chins, staining them a bright orange, we all looked like orange beard, and not bluebeard!!!

We went to Maracas yesterday, taking every opportunity to go to the beach before we leave Trini at the end of June. It also stops us from lazing around all day doing nothing. The plan was to have bake and fish for brunch as we had left without having breakfast. We had all got up a bit late as we had been at Mariele's son's birthday party the day before and had stayed til 10.30 pm. That was a lovely afternoon and evening, the kids were happy playing games and swimming and the adults were liming. A lot of Spanish was spoken as Mariele and Javier are from Bolivia and their friends came from other S American countries- Bolivia, Peru and Colombia. One of the friends even recognised Dave and started to talk to Dave in Spanish and Dave looked up blankly, until he was reminded about the meeting they had attended together nearly a year ago! The beer was flowing, the barbecue lit and kids were having a go at the chocolate fountain.

Back to the beach- we got our bakes and sharks, Mitch and I had potato pie and shark for a change, sat in the car, and it could almost be a scene out of any English coast side, sat in your parked car, eating your packed sandwiches and admiring the view in the rain! Of course, we weren't in England, it was far too hot for that, and the rain was a torrential downpour and we were having bake and shark with pepper sauce... hehehehe

The rain abated and our stomachs full, we strode off to the beach, the waves were great, about 1.5-2m high and we had a lovely time jumping the waves and body surfing, til Dave was overcome by a wave and managed to do some acrobatic antics in the water that left him with an injured knee! No more waves for him.. out he hobbled, trunks nearly revealing a builder's bum, not that he was in any state to care, and me, chasing after him saying, what's happened, what's happened, I asked Mitch and and I heard him say Daddy's got to pee! What he actually said was, daddy's hurt his knee...... sigh, guess we're not that young anymore and every tumble we take, we fall hard as we're not as flexible as we used to be. Actually, I woke up this morning with a strained neck, and it must have been when the waves crashed over me and I was pulled under, but thought nothing of it at the time.

Dave out of the sea, ice on knee, he was happy to read his book. Kids and I still in the sea and Mitch spotted some friends of ours, Sam and Harry, Matthew and Adam... so, Trisha and Iain, Cathy and Alan, Dina and Jeremy, Becky and Sean and another couple we didn't know were there too. We soon joined them and the kids all had a great time till it was time to go, as Mitch still had some homework to complete. It was the longest I have ever stayed in the sea, and had gone back in several times and I think I may have overcome my fear of the sea, another thing to be thankful for!

We got home, and as usual, went to the back yard to shower all the sand off and jump into our pool, not ours for much longer. We had taken some mangoes to the beach, but not eaten them, so we tossed them all in the pool, for a game of dive and find a mango. Jas found many and put them on the side, and Mitch threw them all back in! I just found some and started eating them! Soon we were all eating them, again the juice making orange beards and moustaches. It was sheer bliss. I said to Dave..... why do we have to go??? Never having eaten so many mangoes in one go, in a pool and they were free mangoes too, life seemed all too good to be true!

Today, I finally got the car's certified copy of registration, and whilst I was waiting, I caught the eye of another Chinese girl who was also there last week. I was about 6 places in front of her in the queue. I was seen in 30 minutes, and after another 10mins, I walked out with my precious piece of paper. As I passed the Chinese girl, she asked me, did you get through? Hahahahaha, I knew what she meant, unlike 9 months ago, when I did not know what people meant when I was asked, you getting through? I had visions of me being a ghost and getting through object and people LOL. So, I told her, yes, I got through, and it was only our 5th visit!!! LOL.

I saw the girl again, about an hour later, as I had gone home to discover that I had left my novel behind and had to go back!!!!!! She was still waiting and I hope she managed to get her cert too.

I had a very productive day today, I did part of the housework before the school run, did the car thing, home for breakfast and more housework, back to the car place for my book, off to the bank to pay the Canadian Visa fees, had lunch with the lovely Jill, bought a dress for Jasmine, a top for myself,picked up kids from school, came back, finished off the housework, and cooked up a storm.... I could get used to being a housewife........

Life is a changing

Since my last post, things are a changing. Changing? What? Again? Yes, again, but then that is life though, isn't it? Nothing in life is permanent. People age, as I know very well having celebrated my 44th birthday today, my children continue to grow and develop at an alarming rate, the seasons change, moving on to the rainy season here soon, mangoes on the tree ripen and fill my tummy with delight and so on and so forth.

So, what has been happening? Not a lot, I was minding my own business, helping out at Moksha, even managed to drag Dave to a couple of classes which he didn't enjoy, unfortunately, but did feel some benefit from. I continued to play receptionist at Mamatoto, being mum, wife, children's taxi, going to Yoga, walking with friends and neighbours, enjoying the life I had adopted since moving to Trinidad.

Then about 10 days ago, I had a call from Dave, who was at work, and I could tell he had something important to tell me, he started the conversation by saying, how are you? how's your day going? what you been up to? BUT I could hear an edge to his voice, I could also hear that he was outdoors. I replied, doing the housework, mopping the floors, had cleaned at Yoga and then did a class etc etc. Then he said, they want me to go to Canada! Wooooahhhh boy!!! Steady on.....

So, my life is about to change again. I should be used to this, after all, I am MRS Change, the poltergeist in the house, I would change the furniture round in the house at a whim, not consulting anyone, changed the colour of the walls if I got bored, so much so, that Dave would swear that there was a poltergeist in the house. I would move things around when he was at work or asleep and he would return to find his favourite chair in another space!!! Once I even changed our bedroom, we were at the front of the house, and when he got back from work, we were sleeping at the back LOL.

I guess this time round, I had set my mind on being in Trinidad for 2 years, even though I knew that it was not guaranteed, I didn't think that I would be moving before the 1st year was up. It's another upheaval for the kids, we are now fairly settled here, I have been made to feel so welcome by the locals, forged many friendships with my neighbours and also the girls from the asian ladies group. Not to mention the friends I have made at Moksha. I feel so at home here, despite disliking the heat and humidity, the mossies and cockroaches. I am not ready to go, but go we will have to come the end of June.

At this point in writing, nothing is finalised and we may not end up in Canada, we may well be heading home or somewhere else. It's all very unsettling and my heart is heavy. I am stressed, as much as I like change, I also like stability. I am a creature of contradictions!!! I feel tired at the thought of the forthcoming move, I fall asleep and awake after 3-4 hours, staring into the darkness and finding it difficult to get back to sleep and drift in and out of sleep til the dawn breaks, feeling unrefreshed and wondering what the future holds......

Part of me feels excited, another move, another country, more opportunities for the children and for me to return to work. Part of me doesn't want to give up my neighbours and friends I have made here.... who will always be my friends and I will endeavour to keep in touch with. I am dreading the thought of having to make new friends and networks, but I am sure I will be fine and will take this into my stride once I know exactly where we are heading to.

So, this Monday saw me down at the Vehicle and Transport office trying to obtain a certified copy of my car registration with the above mentioned office. When you buy a car in Trini, you have to transfer ownership and pay a fee, then pay another fee for the copy of the registration stating the vehicle is now registered under your name. We bought the car in Sept, 09, it is now May 2010, we still have no certified copy. Not for want of trying , I might add. We have been to that office, queued and got to the front to be told, we can't find it, comeback in a week and we will have it ready. We leave it 5-6 weeks, go back, first thing, 8 am, queue, I'll let you guess what I was told when I got to the desk.... any guesses? Did they have the cert???? Did they heck! It's not here, let me go and ask my supervisor what to do..... comes back, you need to see the chief clerk, take a number and wait to be seen, vehicle on the system, you need to see clerk to get a copy printed out....I seeee.... luckily I brought my iPod, but should I really be listening to it in public? Should I let others see I have an iPod? What if someone tried to rob me the minute I left the office to get to my car???? Reports of recent burglaries is making me paranoid... but those thoughts did run through my head. I overcame them and watched my best of YouTube podcasts, it helped me pass the time.... I also spent some time talking to a pleasant man, also on another visit, waiting to see the clerk, doing a favour for a friend and it wasn't his 1st visit either .. hahahahaa. We had an interesting conversation and the conclusion was that it could only get better, the systems are out there, to simplify processes and one day, Trinidad would have them, it's not happening soon, but it will happen one day!!!

Before I got to see the clerk, there was some confusion about the order the numbers were being given out, never mind I thought, I have only been here 2 hours, and I know I will be asked to come back again, as they have nothing for me, just as they had nothing for Dave 5 weeks ago. The chief clerk was very apologetic, and said, it has not been done, I am sorry, come back next week and it will be done. it's on the system you say? Just needs a copy printing? Can you do it now? Oh, No, we do not print now, we have other people who will do the printing when the office is closed and I promise you, you will have your copy in a week, just come back to see me. Ok, I said. Well?? What else could I say??? Thank goodness I am not working, and do not have to take time off to do this kind of thing, which most of the people in the queue did in order to be told to return, take another morning off... to be fair, some people did walk away with what they came for.

There was a sign there that tickled me, it said, research clerk counter will be closed at 2pm in order for us to do more research!!!! Had me in fits and giggles. Oh well... I have a strange sense of humour.

Will I get this certified copy next Monday? Will we be going to Canada???? Till the next blog......

Asian Ladies Lunch Club

In all my years of being abroad, this is the first time I have had so many Malaysian and Asian friends. I had lived in the UK for 20 years, and had 3 friends from Nursing from Malaysia, Shan, who is still in the UK and living in Essex, we were flatmates for 2 years and got quite close, Jan who left for Australia many years ago and June who lives in Cardiff. I have lost touch with all but Shan. They were friends from home that I had met in Bristol. In Nottingham, I chanced upon Jeannie, the most wonderful of people, also from Penang and was a colleague at the Out of Hours service that we worked for. We met and became really close in a short space of time after the initial testing the water with the toe stages, but once the water was fine, we dove in deep and long! I taught her how to knit and improve her techniques and she cooked and fed me til I was the size of a baby hippo. She cried when I told her I was leaving the UK to come to Trinidad, and I felt so guilty for upsetting her, even though I cried too. It will only be for 2 years....

I was introduced to the ladies club by Ima, a fellow Malaysian, married to a Brit called Dave who is a fishitarian, what a coincidence, similarities end there I am afraid, she's Malay, I'm Chinese, she's petite, I'm a hippo, she's soft and gentle, I'm a bull in a china shop, she's shy, I'm loud and brash LOL. In any case, my first lunch club was nice, I didn't really know anyone, but it was all very pleasant. They are all camera mad though, and just love taking pictures with their cameras. I, on the other hand, am not so photogenic and shy away from the cam at all costs, declaring that taking a pic of me would break their camera, so take at your own peril!

Through Asian ladies I have met and made many friends, some close ones, and feel so privileged. We are all in a foreign country and it is so lovely to be with friends from home who share the same language, cultural background and quirks and sense of humour and love for food!!!! Being in Trinidad has given me this wonderful opportunity and I want to thank the person who started the Asian Ladies club, she has since moved to better pastures, but the spirit of what she started is very much alive. It is great to know you have friends from home even in a strange country. If ever you feel homesick or frustrated, there is someone who will truly understand and help you through tougher days... I did not have this in the UK, just did not mix in the correct circles I guess, or perhaps I subconsciously stayed away from any clubs of any kind, for whatever reason. It's really great, though I do not think I would search for a club should I return to the UK. I truly believe in Karma, and I guess Karma dictated that I meet up with all these wonderful women.

Thought I'd better mention that we come from many asian countries and will attempt to list them all - Burma( Myanmar), India, Indonesia, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, Pakistan, Singapore, Taiwan, Thailand. Hope I've listed them all, Evy, the current co-ordinator will correct me if I've missed any.

Anyway, we had a great lunch at my house today, and everyone who came brought a dish and we had the most amazing spread. Ima and I had invited some of our friends and neighbours and they brought their dishes too.... far too much food, but who cares, we all ate and enjoyed each others company and had a blast.

There are 4 Malaysians who attend the lunches most months, Ima, Chik Mee, Mahani and I, and boy oh boy, when we get together we get raucous and loud and just can't help fooling around and laughing til our bellies ache. Mahani is such a scream, she should start a blog or even write a book! We apologise for our rudeness should we descend into ourselves and start talking in Malay, or Chinese, reassuring those around us that we are not talking about them, well, mostly we are not, sorry , norty , norty ... seriously though, we are not hahahahaha

To all my Asian Ladies Club friends, thank you so much for accepting me into your group and sharing with me, it's so very refreshing and I hope we will continue to be friends, even when we leave Trini .

Being with Dave

Thought I'd take a break from NYC, and write some mushy stuff down as Dave and I will have been married 15 years in 6 days time. Some would say you'd do less time for murder LOL, a life sentence.... why does it have to be negative? People joke about it, but are they really joking or is there a grain of disappointment in their comments? Being with the same person for years and years? For a person like me, that thrives on change, can it work? Will it work? Will I be bored? Get bored? Will we last the test of time?

You know what? I've been with Dave now for 18 and a half years and I feel very lucky. I am not easy to live with and the early years were very rocky. Very rocky indeed. There was the cultural thing, the I don't smoke and drink thing and so why should you? The why can't we do everything together thing, the what do you mean you need time to yourself and male bonding walking weekend thing and a whole load of other things, or perhaps I should say tings, as we are now living in T n T lol. I thought now that I've found him, I didn't want to lose him, I worried about his health, how much he drank, how much he smoked, I worried about him killing himself on that fast bike of his, I was jealous of how much time he was spending with his friends instead of me, I was so scared of losing him. Took me a while to realise that I was going to lose him if I continued trying to control his life, instead of sharing it.

I was very immature in the whole relationship thing, having not had any boyfriends or relationships till I was 23. I did not want to share, I wanted to keep Dave to myself, he had to be with me 24-7. I guess it boiled down to my insecurities and there's a lot of those for one reason or another. I was behaving like a girl and not a woman. I was listening to Jase and Taska, 2 DJs on the morning show on 107.1 FM and they talked about relationships and asked listeners if they were girls or women when it came down to relationships. Fundamentally, a girl would sit and wait for the boyfriend, expect the boyfriend to spend all his time with her, try to control the relationship, showing all the signs of insecurity. The woman on the other hand would be mature in her outlook, had her own life and the boyfriend fitted in to her life and not vice versa, the woman was confident and was not going to be anybody's fool. In all reality, I do not think it can be as clear cut as that. A mix of girl/woman would be ok and perhaps even ideal.

I'd like to think that I have moved on from being a girl and am now a woman with a few girl like elements still within. On reflection, I really believe that if it wasn't Dave that I was with, it would have ended long ago. He is such a rock and a star, hehehe a rock star. He has the patience of a saint. He is not without flaws, he's human after all, a super human to have been with me so long.... LOL. When we had a row, it would really be only me rowing, argument, only me arguing, he would not retaliate, which frustrated me even more, and I would give him the cold shoulder treatment for a few days which he hated, then we would talk and make up. Painful early days , but necessary I guess, he showed and taught me how it could and should work.

Here's some funny bits. We met at the hospital swimming pool and our friends all know that he spotted me swimming, was attracted by my physique slicing through the water and continued to perve me til that fateful day when he was swimming next to me. I was oblivious to his existence until then. His chat up line, "Do you get problems with water in your ears too?" And that was that, it was the 16th of October, 1991. Oh, I forgot, when Dave found out I was from Malaysia, he didn't really know where that was, like a lot of Brits I know, and I drew out a map of Asia, to show where Malaysia was. I got quite good at it, far better than when I was at school, Mrs Chandra you would be so proud of me LOL. Dave went home and did some homework, looking in the Encyclopedia Britannica to learn all about Malaysia and discovered it was a Muslim country and had visions of my father forcing his hand in marriage. He breathed a sigh of relief when he discovered I was a Buddhist. But drew a sharp breath in when I told him my dad collected knives and had a lovely collection of them. Slight improvement there. Not!!!!

Our relationship went at breakneck speed, and Dave had moved in with me within 2 months, and we had bought a house together by 10 months. In retrospect, it was too fast and I'm sure contributed to a lot of the problems we had in the early years. I took Dave home to see the folks and my large extended family and we had 6 weeks of relatives, including the dead ones during the all souls day celebrations, he helped clear the graves, tidy and refreshen the paint on the tombstones. It was at that point I think that my parents began to love him more than me! The pressure to get me married was on but we could not do anything about it as Dave was still married, shock, horror. Not really, he was separated from his 1st wife but was still legally married. That was another thing that bothered me tremendously, and the poor man was pressured to get divorced, which he did in all fairness, a do it yourself divorce. So, now he was divorced, my parents were like, well, what you waiting for? I was not about to get married just cos they want me to, though I had asked Dave on Valentines Day in 1992, a Leap Year and he had said yes! In the end, we decided to get married but did not want to wait too long and was going to get married in 5 weeks , told the folks, and they said,"Why so soon? " lol, after 3.5 years of pressure, why so soon????? It seems, I can't win. And no, there was no bun in the oven, I was not pregnant, Mitchell wasn't born for another 3 years.

So, why get married? We were happy together, had lived for 3.5 years together, got a house full of stuff, what was a marriage cert going to change? It did change, we seemed to grow together now, happier than ever. It was weird, I really did not think it would make a difference at all, but it did, for the better. Perhaps it gave me the reassurance and confidence that Dave did want to be with me, that I was the one for him.

The years roll on, Mitchell arrived then Jasmine, we bungled along, especially when we moved to Nottingham and had to make a whole new network of friends and work and the like. I had a funny few months when we first moved but Dave, once again, was rock solid, having a completely new job, a post grad course undertaken and a mentally unstable wife at home! Have I said how lucky I am? I am so very lucky.

More years pass, football training, matches, ballet, tap and modern lessons, performances, tennis lessons, school runs, helping out in class at school, trampolining, swimming, ice skating. Our days were filled by children activities and work. Living in Beeston close to family had it's advantages, we were able to escape to Paris on our own and had a really great time. I guess Dave and Suyin time wasn't happening that much due to childcare and work commitments but when it did, we made the most of it. I will leave the subject about my parenting skills for another post!!

Today, we find ourselves in the Caribbean, Dave's in Anguilla for a few days, and will be back tomorrow. He's working very hard. We were offered a posting in Trinidad, we weren't looking to leave England. We thought very hard about whether we should seize this opportunity or stay safe in our safe jobs at home. It was a joint decision, as a Libran, Dave was often indecisive, but on this occasion, he seemed to leap at the chance of working and living in another country, one with sunshine, warmth and beaches all year round, it was all sounding very attractive. So, we will be celebrating our 15th anniversary in Trinidad.

I love Dave more than ever and hope he feels the same about me. Our marriage is stronger than ever, though this is not a guarantee that we will be together til death do us part. What have I learnt over the last 15 years? I have learnt to let go, to be more patient, to try and sort problems out as soon as possible. Though I am very lucky, I still have to work at it, never taking anything for granted, never taking advantage and supporting each other as best we know how.

Love is very important, and love Dave I do, and I am very lucky ( did I say that already?) to be loved back unconditionally. Truly unconditionally.